A good new friend of mine was sick yesterday. She had a cold of some sorts. I went over to cheer her up and give her some company. I believe fully the best way to get over sickness is with laughter. I brought Tuberculosis (my 1.5 TB hard drive) over so she could relax and watch a couple of movies. I gave her Princess Bride (perfect for the sick seeing that Fred Savage is sick in the movie) and Labyrinth. Turns out they weren't really needed, cuz she came with me to Fencing practice.
Before leaving for the practice, our other friend that lives there came out to chat. She has been having some tough guy issues and I love to hear them. Turns out by doing so I keep learning more and more about how girls are. I know that each is different in their own way, but I found a similarity, last night, that has been common with all of my past interests. So this is what I learned:
I'm the kind of person that loves to hear what happened. you ask any of my ex girlfriends and they will tell you that I have made some sort of contact after we broke up and got answers to what happened and why. This is good marketing, I mean that the best person to learn from about how you are doing is the person walking out the front door. Why did they leave? But I digress. With that explanation for me, you must understand how I am after a break-up. I want to stay friends... unless you're psycho, then I want nothing to do with you. But for the most part, I liked you for a reason and I want to keep that good part in my life. To get over you, I don't want to go, I just need a redirection. I will still hang out, but just not that often. Now, a lot of the girls I have dated are the opposite. They need a break. They need to cut me out completely. At lease for a time. They need space to contemplate and get over me.
Now this is not all that I learned. The realization of those facts made me realize that I had been pushing my way of coping with a break-up onto those in which the parting happened. For instance, lately I have been really upset at my best friend because she needed to take time away from me. I wanted to keep in constant contact and talk about it. This isn't the way she does things. She was also getting mad at me for not wanting space to get over her. So we were both mad at the other, because the other person wasn't coping the way we thought they should. PLUS getting more upset for not allowing the other to cope the way they needed. I hope that makes sense, if not, here's the dumbed down version.
I wanted to talk about it and figure it out. She wanted to take a break. She expected, since that's the way she takes care of the relationship that I should be doing the same. I get upset because she's not allowing me to talk about it and I'm getting more upset because I feel the best way for her to take care of this relationship is to talk about it. And now she get's upset because I'm forcing my ways on her. Then she gets even more mad for not giving her the space she needs. So it spirals into an even worse situation and at that point a strong love which used to be there turns into a lack of trust, to a lack of compassion, to a lack of love that turns to hate!
So who bends? How do you solve this dilemma? How can both be satisfied?
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